This is a post that I wanted to do for a while now, but I wasn’t sure how to handle this topic. Especially with it being so fresh for me. I debated if I should have wrote it earlier or even months down the line. In the end, I decided, that now was the best time for me to write about it. I guess you could figure from the title what this is all about, losing a parent. It’s not an easy topic to write or swallow but I wanted to share it.
Losing A Parent
On the night of January 7th, 2017, my dad passed away. Even now, I’m still in shock because it was so sudden and unexpected. All my life, I always knew my dad to be a healthy man without complaints. On top of that, he had just turned 50 years old the previous month. So you can imagine my reaction when I heard that he collapsed and died while waiting on a bus to head to work. It was absolutely devastating to say the least. I was always more worried about my mother or maternal grandmother to be honest.
My dad has always been a presence in my life, even though my parents divorced. I’m his only child and daughter so dotted on me. Every Christmas he’d take me and my brother Christmas shopping. He was always interested in my hobbies, from cosplay to psychology. He’d get me a book on various topics or give me advice on a cosplay prop. He was just very giving and was always willing to give a helping hand. It especially warms my heart to hear he was the same with others. In the past two weeks, I’ve gotten an encompassing view of what kind of man he was to his friends, colleagues and family.
It’d be lie to say that I know how to cope with this. I don’t but I’m trying. I make sure at the very least to cover the basics so that I don’t become a zombie. These basics to me are bathing, eating, going outside, and interacting with others. This explains why I’ve been so MIA for the past two weeks. I’ve just needed some down time, and also I lacked the motivation to do much. My previously scheduled posts went up, sure. But I didn’t feel inspired to write, I didn’t feel like doing much but stay in bed and contemplate life. An empty feeling in me lingers. Sometimes I feel my heart tightly squeeze when I think of him and the experiences I wanted to share with him.
On Wednesday he’s going to be laid to rest which I’m happy about because not only will his soul be at peace. But I also believe that I’ll have my closure. Because of his work in the army and prison service and him dying while on duty, he’s going to have a military funeral. I’m happy to see him being honoured for all the years and hard work he put into at his jobs. Still, it’s a bitter sweet feeling, but I’ll always have my memories of him.
This experience has really made me look at my life. My dad always had high hopes for me and I want to make him proud by following my dreams and passion.